potentially potential.

2009-04-10T22:07:00.002+08:00

I got up early to go to church today! I went to the city in search of the Catholic church and walked around for a good half an hour before giving up and going to the Anglican one instead. I was so annoyed that all I could find was a Scientology one which by the way I totally regret not taking a photo of cause I was so tempted to convert just cause I couldn't find St. Mary's and this was right there.

Aside from that I've done nothing productive today. I've been marathon-ing friends, cause I realised a couple of days ago I've never watched most of the episodes from seasons 7 and 8. Which is totally like christmas day come early, when you don't know exactly what the punch line is cause you haven't already seen that episode 12 times on star world in sg or 111 here.

My parents and Adri are coming here in July, and I'm ridiculously excited! One of my biggest crimes being here is that I've never been to Freemantle (You should really see how people recoil from me in horror when they hear me say that) ((Is there any other way to recoil!)) The current plan is to rent a car and drive around and see lots of WA, maybe I'll impress them with my MAD(ok might be listening to a bit too much gangsta rap these days) driving skills and then they'll get me a car! Its getting slightly embarrassing with the 15 min walk carrying my big box of coco pops from the supermarket all the way home, damn bright yellow box.

I don't miss sg all that much anymore, it comes and goes every few weeks I guess. Though you know when you first wake up in the morning and that few mins where you're kinda dreamy and either trying to drift back to sleep or like mentally planning your day ahead, I always plan like I'm in sg! Like ok I should go thread my eyebrows at Little India and then I'll call Dad for lunch then call someone out for a movie or something. And then I realise
a) I'm not in my room in sg,
b) My room in sg has been invaded by my grandparents,
c) Once again I've effectively got no plans for the rest of the day except some anatomy lovin'. Oh wow that actually sounds mildly scandalous but sadly I'm only referring to a textbook. Which does have some naked people in it but most of the time they're cut up into little bits.

My hair's growing out I'm wondering if I should cut it back short again cause it really is awesome fun not worrying about how your hair looks all the freaking time. With my hair now the messier the better! I'm guessing in a couple of weeks though its gonna resemble one of those tumble weed balls rolling around in an old cowboy movie. Dude how proud am I to remember tumble weed without googling it! It did take a long time to decide between tumble weed and thistle though but I'm pretty sure thats like grass or a flower or something.

Ok I have nothing else to say and I'm feeling withdrawal from friends already. Ciao bellas(Does that apply to men too?)

2009-04-04T18:36:00.003+08:00

I changed the layout! I don't know why but that feels like some big achievement. I remember how I used to go to some blog layout website where like users would contribute their layouts and I'd spend hours searching for the perfect one. Today it was about 5 minutes on blogspot's templates and I'm pretty happy with it I think.

I've been procrastinating a hell lot in posting stuff. I honestly don't know who, if anyone at all reads this, especially after the massive one year gap between posts. Also I'm wondering if I should change to a new address altogether, something maybe more professional looking. Speaking of which I'm considering changing my email as well. You know you've grown up when the extent of creativity you wanna see in your email is the . in between your name, like clarissa.cross@gmail.com or something. If I remember I'm gonna log into gmail and see if that one's taken up yet after this. In case anyone needs a laugh, my old email address used to be violentbutterfly@hotmail.com HAHA.

So I just wrote a paragraph complete with what looked like the start of a list on tragic people names I've come across but decided this would be an activity better pursued with Bitcho. Another list that is gonna come up sooner or later is inappropriate songs to play at inappropriate times, which pretty much came up when I was talking to Aileen about what music to play at her funeral and I suggested 'Wonderful Tonight' by Eric Clapton. Yeah yeah I know everyone else has moved on from this kind of primary 3 humour but we still find it funny okay. Ask about our Ryan joke and you'll see what I mean lol.

I should really get a start on cleaning up my ridiculously messy room but before I go, thought I'd post something funny that happened yesterday, just because its gonna be one of those inside jokes I laugh about in years to come. So basically I was whining to Aileen that I'm missing out on all these great acts that came or are coming to Singapore, ie Prodigy, Coldplay, Oasis, Kaiser Chiefs etc etc. And then we decided when I'm back in Sg in Dec we'll go for some awesome concert. Damn excitedly I went onto http://www.sistic.com.sg/ to see what events are lined up for December. I can't even begin to describe to you exactly how excited I was. And then I saw the only event for Dec 2009 lined up so far is,

12 Dec 2009
Family Concert - Ah Girl's Dancing Feet足音翩翩-家庭音乐会 (SCO 2009)
SCO Concert Hall
Concert

Oh man is anyone else as pumped for this gig as I am?

Off to show Mr Muscle a good time, and unfortunately, as is the story of my life I am only referring to bathroom cleaner.

2009-03-21T16:24:00.002+08:00

Its been a while. I don't know why I've felt so inclined to start blogging again lately, but revisiting my blog after this long it kinda feels like I've forgotten how to be interesting. Maybe its cause now all my thoughts are kept in a big mess in my head instead of neatly written out.

So what's been new with me since my last post? I'm actively gonna compare this step by step cause it was kind of a big shocker that nothing's really changed all that much.

I'm still perpetual last minute girl. You know for some reason everytime I say the word perpetual I feel guilty for not going to mass. I got back and broke up with Sam again, though I can't really say that like its news anymore eh? There isn't all that big a difference between paying for myself now and paying for him, either way I'm broke haha. And saddest of all I actually do still have that plan to cover mitosis today!

As much as things have stayed the same though some have still very obviously changed.

1. I'm no longer in sg, I'm now doing physiotherapy at curtin in perth, wa. Do I miss sg and what is physiotherapy and perth like will be covered in a future blog entry assuming I stick at this again.

2. I have short hair and I've put on a good 7kg since any of anyone in sg has seen me last.

3. I joined a gym that I actually enjoy going to when I've got the time.

4. I have a plan to learn french so I can converse with Sandrine, my new bestie here.

5. I say words like bestie and brekkie and barbie and singers (singapore) now. Australian slang is infectious!

6. I'm a lot closer to most of my family now, its funny how when you go away you seem a lot more interesting than when you were right there.

7. I've become slightly more tolerant of music I can't stand, and more open to other genres and mainstream stuff.

8. I won't say I've given up bitching in its entirety, but I'm a lot less likely to unless you really piss me off.

9. On that note I rarely compare people to animals anymore, unless you're really very animal-like or I'm bored in a psychology tute.

10. I reckon both 8 and 9 is cause Aileen and I aren't around each other anymore. Nov is way too fucking far away.

11. I've now become the girl random people think I can be conned into doing assignments for them if they ask nicely enough. Fuck off. When did I become nice!

12. I'm wondering how I tell people I've started my blog up again. I've got so much family and other people I don't particularly want to read my blog on facebook and on msn and skype and all that. I reeeeally don't wanna start talking in euphemisms about everything again its annoying and reading all my old entries even I don't understand what I was going on about.

13. I realise I can password protect or something but,
a) how exactly do you say no if someone you don't want reading your blog asks for it?
b) i don't know how to set it up
c) aileen will forget what it is everyday.

14. I've got a lot of anatomy to study today, which is fascinating actually so I shan't complain. Shan't is a word right.

15. Ok this list has ended in a different place than it begun so i'll take it as my cue to go!

PS I kinda like the photobucket this image or video has been moved or deleted background. If I was more intelligent or possibly just had more coffee in my system, I'd draw a brilliant analogy to how its representative of how everything else I used to know has moved or deleted.

2007-09-30T16:53:00.000+08:00

It sucks that I'm this constant disappointment. Honestly, all the stress we kids (if we can still call ourselves kids that is) face today, its fucking crazy. How anyone puts up with it and remains sane is beyond me. Though you know, maybe all this stress would never have existed if I wasn't perpetually last minute girl. Its 30 days or something till A's. Clarissa's gonna attempt to mug 2 years worth of content in 30 days. God help me. Oh and all of you too I suppose.

I came up with a solution to all my time wasting problems. Considering I'm always in front of the com doing absolutely nothing, I'm gonna give Daddy my main wire or something to bring to work everyday. Then I can't use the com anymore! But knowing Dad he'll lose it or forget to bring it back everyday. Then howww. I cannot use my aspire excuse to use the computer anymore.

If you haven't heard already, I'm single again. Probably a little more permanent than usual this time, I think I forgot how fucking awesome it was being single. We'll see how it goes, the next time I jump back into a relationship I'll make sure he's
a) not boring
b) actually has cash some of the time
c) worth investing all the potential heartache in
d) someone I can stand for more than five minutes
e) I suppose attractive wouldn't hurt either

I'm not saying Sam wasn't any of these things (heaven forbid someone finds another reason to find fault with me, dissing my ex on blogger and all) but I mean it would have been good if we hadn't argued so much. Actually I don't know. Its too early for me to analyse it yet.

Though I'll say one thing. I'm sad to have lost Botak Jones Toa Payoh to him and his friends now. Who knows, maybe one day he'll stop being so fucking mad at me and get over it. And then I can eat yummy burgers and get tipsy all over again, while only paying for me. Oh joy.

Its off to take a nap now, wake up and do mitosis by the end of the day! And that damn econs case study as well. Byebyebye.

Keep thinking I'm that bitch if you want, it doesn't fucking affect me in the least.

It is sad however, that that has to go out to more than one person. More than two people. Okay four. I need to stop picking fights/retaliating.

2007-09-18T22:39:00.000+08:00

The last couple of days, all I've been thinking, is that I wish I could be one of those fuckers still full of hope about every damn thing. And every single time that thought's popped into my head, I keep mentally slapping myself for the emo-ness.

I don't know what's been wrong with me the last couple of days. Its like everything everyone does gets on my nerves. And no one's been getting it worse than the boyfriend. Oh and my family I suppose, but they're getting pretty used to my moods so they don't count.

Everything the boyfriend's done lately has just irritated me beyond belief. Its crazy, and I dunno, I'm undecided if the things I'm mad about are petty or warranted. I wish I had someone to talk to about all this shit. Like someone else's perspective. Someone who won't say I told you so. Someone who can give me an objective view on everything. Actually no, scratch that. Half the issues I have with him I don't want anyone else to know about, cause its fucking embarrassing that a girl like me still has to deal with shit like this. No no, not saying I'm gorgeous or whatever ANDRE TAN before you quote me and analyse this shit, I mean a girl who's been in relationships before and should know better and be treated better and whatever. NO he's not fucking stalking me again or whatever, its a whole different set of problems now. I think. Or maybe its rewind 2 years back and press play and you'll see the same shit. Fuck I don't know what I'm talking about, as if I ever do.

Figures the only time I'm bothered to blog is when dre isn't online for me to bitch to. Hahaha. Then he can call me fat and I can feel better about myself.

P.S This post does not in any way indicate that my blog is alive again. Temporary resuscitations such as the above might occur occasionally, but only in instances where CPR is performed by a guy equivalent in hotness to Ryan Phillipe. I wouldn't advise you to keep checking back everyday or week to see if I've updated yet, maybe once a month. I'll throw out that same excuse you see everywhere else, I'm busy studying for A's lah! Total bs but whatever.

2007-08-18T11:32:00.000+08:00

I think I must lack some fundamental woman gene. Or maybe it got replaced with some bitch gene. I don't know, Bitch keeps insisting its true. And maybe it is. I don't seem to do all too well in relationships. I'm not a very nice person; if it seems to you like I am then I probably bitch behind your back a hell lot. I think everyday that goes by I become a little less mature. Or maybe this is what maturity feels like. Damnit I'm 18. I've never gone clubbing before. Haha yes shock outrage whatever the reaction is. Yeah yeah people wanna take me I don't wanna go. Its too many people trying to fit in. It just sounds so unappealing to me. Its the same with Dipsy's friends. He keeps wanting me to meet them. And I keep pushing it off. I'm not sure if he reads this, cause I hardly ever update, but I can guess its gonna land me into big trouble and another conversation where we can't keep ignoring things and have to talk them out. God help me, I HATE talking things out. Anyway back to Dipsy's friends. From all the stories he tells me, like funny things that happen in school that aren't quite so funny to me and I'm obliged to laugh at, they all sound like they're trying WAYYYY too hard. Even him.

I can't help but wonder if every relationship is like this, where you get so easily irked by the other person. Maybe its just the initial puppy dog phase wearing off, or maybe its PMS, whatever it is, its getting harder and I'm not sure I can last much longer. When its good its good, when its not its not. Its never bad, its just that when its not good its not anything. I'm not making any sense. Thats what waking up before 12 on a saturday morning will do to you though.

Enough of this shit, back to sleep. Gonna thread eyebrows later, don't know why I bother. Not like he ever seems to notice any little efforts I take. They're certainly not reciprocated in the least. Then again, maybe I don't deserve much better eh? Wah wah self-pity. So attractive no?

2007-07-12T20:02:00.000+08:00

Despite the current weight plateau (48kg, anyone saying OMG SO FAT AH is gonna get a few slaps from me), I've managed to convince myself that the fat that used to hang around my mid-section and thighs has either turned into muscle (yes I said it) or re-directed itself to my boobs. YEAH YEAH YEAH. Okay that last line was cause I'm listening to Fake Tales of San Francisco and the guy was shouting it. Hahaha.

clarissa. says:
bitchhhh!
clarissa. says:
i loveeeee you
aileen. says:
hahahahahah what took you so long to realise
clarissa. says:
seeing you hold my asthma inhaler today lah
clarissa. says:
i realised you were my lifeline if i was dying of breathlessness all
clarissa. says:
then cannot live without you now
clarissa. says:
will you marry me
clarissa. says:
tonight
clarissa. says:
we run away and elope
clarissa. says:
in las vegas
clarissa. says:
by elvis
aileen. says:
hahahahaha yessss!
clarissa. says:
hahahaha
clarissa. says:
then we go honeymoon
aileen. says:
we shall run away and never take As!
clarissa. says:
in temptation island
clarissa. says:
hahahahha

Ok random convo I'm having with Aileen.

SLURP SLURP SLURP!

SOMEONE BUY ME A SLURPEE. AND ONE FOR B-SPOT ALSO, THEN SHE CAN TURN ON ALL THE GUYS WITH HER LICKING IT UP ACTIONS. *CUE AILEEN'S GIANT TONGUE ACTION*

aileen. says:
we must purposely get ourselves shipwrecked
aileen. says:
then we can stay on some island
aileen. says:
and put my coconut opening skills to good use
clarissa. says:
ok can
clarissa. says:
must make sure you do in front of camera
aileen. says:
hahahah like that u damn useless lah
aileen. says:
u good at nth only
clarissa. says:
i will catch the boar
clarissa. says:
i will run and tackle it
clarissa. says:
and strangle it to death
aileen. says:
hahahaha u can make use of yupi gummy bear to help you!

[ ] You have eaten fish food.
[ ] You have eaten dog food.
[ ] You have eaten cat food.
[x] You have run into a glass door.
[x] You have eaten an ant
[x] You have eaten grass.
[x] You have licked a tree (eh all these 3 happened on the same day lah. shane and his dumbass dares when we were kids)
[x] You have polka dotted underwear.
[x] You have pink underwear.
[x]You had contests with your friendsto see who can create the nastiest burp.
[x] You have screamed a random word in public.
[x] You wave at people you don't know.
[x] You have flushed the toilet becauseyou were bored.
[x] You have slapped yourself out of boredom.
[x]You sing the "FUN" song. (shane and I got bomoh coming song. close enough, its hell fun to sing)
[x]You hold conversations with apillow, blanket, stuffed animal etc.
[ ] You dream of lamas coming out of peoples' butts.
[x] You think people who eat brains are cool. (Hannibal was awesome sick)
[x] You have/sing karaoke even thoughyou know you're horrible
[x]You know how to spell "supercallafragalisticespialadosious" by heart. (Its one l in cala bitch! hahahaha I'm such the loser.)
[x] You make up your own words and usethem with people who have no clue what they mean.
[x] You have striped socks and you havewore them so people can see them.
[x] You have hugged a random person.
[x] You have ran up and down the stairs cause u were bored
[x] You have created a puppet show withyour socks out of boredom.
[x You have imagined peoplesaying "bla" and blowing up.
[xxx!] You just tried imagining people saying "bla" and blowing up.
[x]You are addicted to the Anamaniacs themesong. (pretty sure its animaniacs)
[x ]You are addicted to "The Pinky andthe Brain" theme song.
[x] You have stared at your ceiling for over 10 minutes.
[x] You have talked to yourself
[x] You have conversations with your imaginary friends.
TOTAL: 28
Count them all up, and multiply by 3 (:

84%. YIKES. I'm gonna watch Bourne Supremacy now. TOODLES.

2007-07-09T23:21:00.000+08:00

Blame wrong bra choices at 6.30am, coupled with sadistic P.E lessons involving nothing but running for premature/early onset saggy boobs.

I have made a solemn vow to myself. To prevent this early saggy boob shit, I'm gonna start wearing bras to sleep. Like totally. Starting from the day I turn 18.

Or I could take the easy, more comfy way out, and just get implants or augmentation or whatever in a couple of years.

Its 10 days till I'm legal, I've got till then to decide. How ironic ah. Legal age is when I'm gonna start wearing bras. HAHAHAHA. Aiyoh I crack myself up lah.

Oh and, not to forget, must mention my MSN personal msg here so when I look back in a million years I can still laugh.

LICKING UP MY PAINFUL WOUNDS. HAHAHA FUCKUP. (SOME PEOPLEE AH!)

SLURP SLURP SLURP!

MALAY ORAL TMR! SOMEONE WISH ME LUCK. LETS HOPE BURSTING INTO TEARS HASN'T YET LOST ITS NOVELTY AND I GET EXTRA SYMPATHY ALL!

ALRIGHT OFF TO SLEEPY SLEEPY LAND, OR SOME QUALITY TIME WITH JANET EVANOVICH AT THE VERY LEAST.

LAZINESS TO EVEN UNCAPS YOUR KEYBOARD AH. A BIT DRASTIC ALREADY SASA.

Bye bye dear readers, girls please remember to wear bras and sleep tonight. And every night. Unless you just had mind-blowing sex and got no more energy to go and search for bra all. Or it was really really bad and you wonder why you're keeping your boobs perky for such a waste of time thing. Off now. Toodles. HAHAHAHA SO CANNOT PULL IT OFF MAN. NVM EVERYONE PRETEND I CAN. TOODLES!

2007-07-03T19:22:00.000+08:00

You know what I hate. Band geeks who suddenly act like they know a lot about music when they really really don't. Jenn, I swear I'm not talking about you. But like you know the people who were in band for years and years, and have a stupid opinion on everything. And they'll throw out all these random terms they think mean something in the context but really don't. Like shut up lah. You're just band geeks who can't even play your instruments well. And oh oh, they'll grade every school band they hear like they're big experts or whatever. Annoyinggg.

'We play Metallica and Nirvana as good as they did.' Fuck off fuck off.

Dunno why I'm suddenly blogging about this. Just thought about when someone said that about their band, and I got really annoyed all over again. You can just trust Singaporeans to try and act a lot cooler than they really are, and totally crash and burn. Hahaha. Its funny though, when its not so annoying.

I've got 2 papers tomorrow. Look at me, I haven't even touched anything yet. Been lazing around all day. Hours and hours on the phone. And plates and plates of yummy lasagna. I'm gonna get fat fat fat at this rate. Yeah deal with that when it happens.

2007-07-03T13:16:00.000+08:00

I'm trying to study. I really am. Except now, instead of being distracted by many many episodes of the Simpsons, How I met your mother, and most recently of all The Secret World of Alex Mack(HAHA!), I get distracted by him. Not like he's calling me an awful lot, though we do spend all night on the phone, but like thinking of him. Its so weird how all these feelings just rush back to you.

I keep telling my friends I'm happy. And they proceed to end my sentence with for now. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe things will work out this time. Maybe they won't. Whatever it is, I'm 17. I've many many mistakes ahead of me. If I keep being afraid its probably not gonna get me anywhere. Like I said, he makes me happy.

I'm a happy happy girl. For now. Haha but there's always so much drama in my life something's gonna screw up sooner or later. Preferably later. I don't wanna jinx things too early, but this may be the one time I get to spend a birthday with a boy. Somehow I always end things like right before my birthday. Or Valentine's day. Or Christmas. Fucked up right? Yeah I know.

I'm off to try and study. Though I just messaged him. He's probably still sleeping. I went to sleep at 6.20am. So did he. Nvm, its fun to wake him up. For me, not him. Hahaha I'm gonna turn my blog into something horribly sappy. And all my friends are gonna kena forced to read all of it.

Oh and we ran into Mr Fong, my GP tutor at Vivocity. Hahaha so gonna kena for not studying in the middle of exams. Hey it was youth day, I was out celebrating my youth.

Like I said, off to try and study. Good luck with that Sasa.

2007-06-29T19:48:00.000+08:00

Yeah cancel my long-awaited(six whole days man) supper. I'm gonna watch Transformers of all things with Adrian. He tried so hard to convince me so I gave in eventually. And at his fav theatre some more, Balestier Shaw. Maybe we'll head over to Asoka after. Hahahaha.

Adrian : Eh watch transformers with me lah.
Me : Don't want lah. Watch car become robot only.(insert random small become big action by me here}
Adrian : Nooo. Aeroplane also can!

Keep in mind this is my almost 25 year old brother. Who never outgrew his fav cartoon. And I kena all the consequences.

I'm such the loving sister man. Watching dumb movies for my brother all. I even watched snore-fest LoTR for him man. All 3! You can just imagine Adri having to explain every single thing to me.

Oh. And sample convo since I suddenly remembered between Bitch and I.

Clarissa : Eh I think first day we start school we getting back GP.
Aileen : We first day of school becoming vegetable?

Clarissa : Eh my brother drink my Red Bull lah.
Aileen : Huh your brother dream I rape you?

You don't need to play Broken Telephone with Bitch and I around lah. Saying once is funny enough. Hahahaha.

Ok lah. Off to dress my Asokan best. Hahahaha.

2007-06-29T18:38:00.000+08:00

EEEEEEEE. I'VE GOT SICK TUMMY MUSCLES NOW! EEEEEEEE. GET IT OFF GET IT OFF. SO GROSS OK. MAKE THEM GO AWAYYYY.

I wish bellydancing wasn't so fun man. Then I can stop showing off to my friends how I can make all these exciting muscles I never knew existed move.

Finally going for supper with all my fav kawan. Cooped up for one week not studying sucks ok.

I realised this whole post doesn't sound very Clarissa like. Nvm. Its what horrible afternoon Biology papers will do to you.

Oh and its CLER-IS-SAH. Or CLER-IS-SUH depending on your accent. NOT CLAAAAAAAA-RIIII-SAAAAA. Fucking annoying ok. If I could tiger roar I would lah. Nvm let's pretend. RAAAARRRHHH.

2007-06-25T19:30:00.000+08:00

Mum says to wait another month before we go get my lump checked out. Its kinda freaky cause she says it doesn't move when she rubs it, which apparently is a bad sign. And it doesn't seem to be getting any smaller. Its been there for like 6 weeks now I think? Maybe this isn't the kind of thing I should post on my blog, cause I really don't wanna worry my friends about it, but its just something I've been getting pretty paranoid over lately. Which is why I've been forcing Daddy to buy copious amounts of brocolli for me every week from the market. Hahahaha. And drinking green tea by the gallon. Three cheers for anti-carcinogenic whatevers.

In other news, papers start up again in about 12 hours. And of all things to start and get me even more un-motivated than I am now, its 3 hours of maths to kick things off. What's the bet I can finish the paper in half an hour? I keep telling myself, you're supposed to do badly for mid-years right? First time we're doing a full paper and all. Fabulous reason. And if all else fails, I'll rely on that old standby, I blanked out during all my papers. Besides, prelims' the important one. Stick around another two months and you'll totally see it here, A's the important one. Hahaha.

I'm off to not study now. Byeeee.

2007-06-24T18:21:00.000+08:00

I can't remember the last time my family went to watch a movie together. And we're going tonight. Which wouldn't normally be such a problem, except mid-years commence Tuesday, and last minute girl needs all the time she can get right about now. Which is where the guilt and turmoil begin. Dad says I shouldn't worry. I've been cooped up in my room all day, presumably studying, and going out all night, presumably to work the studying off. Hahahaha. What he doesn't know is I study about half an hour a day if my brain can take it, and which really just started on Thursday, as in three days ago.

Panic panic panic. Which idiot came up with staying calm in a crisis. I've been calm the whole holidays, its about time for some damn panic.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO FOUR WEEKS?

2007-06-22T21:59:00.000+08:00

I hate hate hate Blogger's new autosave function. I keep typing posts halfway and telling myself I'll just continue it later. And then I never do. Got like 4 like that already. All these useful functions are horrible for procrastinators like me.

Anyway, on to my post. Which was quite inspired by a friend's post on fat, or more like how he didn't want any of it.

Fat. Seriously, what's the big deal. Why is everyone so obsessed with losing it. I'm happy with my fat. Without it, I wouldn't have breasts, unless its not actually fat and like mammary stuff or whatever but so not the point anyway. I wouldn't fill my jeans as nice. I'm not saying I'd be happy gaining a lot more weight or whatever, but come on. Without fat, girls wouldn't be warm and soft anymore. If you paid any attention to Secondary School Biology, fats keep you warm. They prevent the loss of water from your body. Now imagine this. If I took away all my fat, all I'd be left with is bones. Which is freakyy cause I don't wanna look like a certain someone. And then I'd have to drink water non-stop, and have to wear a million jackets just to walk around in the hot sun. Anywhere else, I'd be shipped off to a clinic for anorexia. Here I'm just the norm. I mean sure, I watch my diet. But it isn't so much about losing weight, its more like not putting so much junk in my body. I've never said like, Ok today I'm gonna starve and lose weight. I've said, ew Maria made something gross for lunch, I'm gonna eat an apple instead, but thats because I don't want to eat her gross food.

[Update : I actually bothered to look through my mail to find this picture, to further prove my point that we all need some fat]

The way I see it, there's good fat, and then there's bad fat. No I'm not talking about saturated trans mono poly whatever. I count good fat as being yummy stuff. The stuff you eat when you're depressed, angry, or when it happens to be in the fridge. And even if its technically bad for you, hey your body takes care of that too. What do you think tummy aches are for. Besides, at least the discomfort you feel comes with knowing you had a couple hours of joy before. Bad fat to me is stuff that's gross. Like when someone gives you something dunked in a pool of oil, and it doesn't taste nice. Then you like kena diarrhoea, and have to bear with the pain that you totally brought it on yourself by eating food that so wasn't worth it. Hahaha.

Its taken me a long time to get to here, but I'm finally totally happy about the way I look. I can't be bothered about what anyone else thinks anymore. Least of all my mother, who finds faults in me from head to toe. Oh enough with the self-deprecation Clarissa, everyone knows you're tortured. Ok stop talking to yourself Clarissa. Thank you.

Ok. I've lost track of what I was talking about. Before I let Blogger autosave and close this window, I might as well post this first. I apologise for the lack of effort in making this funny. I'm pretty braindead now as it is.

2007-06-21T20:53:00.000+08:00

Alamak I studied for half an hour and can die of neck pain now. I either need a higher table or a lower chair. Yay for a new excuse to not study! Lame Sasa lame.

2007-06-18T18:03:00.000+08:00

Went driving around with Adrian last night. Turned on the radio, heard some girl singing about her umbrella. Sheesh. The music people listen to these days. Thank god I'm not 12 anymore.

Then we turned on Tokyo Drift, blasted it really loud, wound down the windows and started acting damn beng. Super funny. I swear until you try it you have no right to judge me. It makes you totally want to do the whole head nod thing at the guy the next car over when you stop at the traffic light. Or the whole finger jabbing in the air thing. Hahahaha.

It all started a couple of weeks ago, when Adrian played it damn loud in his room over and over and I got damn annoyed.

Clarissa : Eh play normal music can. Fucking annoying ok.
Adrian : I just realised this was in English!
Clarissa : Idiot.

Isn't it so weird that I play Zero 7 and Adri plays like Timbaland. Eek. Rewind a couple of years and we've swapped places. Freakyyyy.

Anyway, yah lah, the Cross family damn slow to catch onto trends. So sue us. Three months from now we'll be dancing along to the umbrella song. You can stand under my umbrella. Oh if only I could remember more words to this silly song, I'd totally go make fun of Joshua. Except he listens to Ayumi Hatasuki or whatever her name is. God help me.

2007-06-02T12:26:00.000+08:00

I just had the most disgusting lunch ever. If my camera was working I'd have taken a picture of it.

Mum bought the chinese mixed rice back for Adrian and I. Despite us telling her repeatedly we'd rather have like 2 meats and 1 tofu instead of any form of vegetable, she will insist on it. Today it was sambal beans. Okay lah not as bad as most days. So anyway, I went to have my shower before eating. And when I come out all scrubbed up and clean, I find Adrian's been messing around with my packet. He dumped all his beans in my packet and took all my meat! All of it ok. And he quickly finished his food before I came out so cannot take back also. Honestly, brothers will be the death of you. So I essentially had this packet of rice covered full of beans. And since I was too lazy to like go fry an egg or what I just had beans and rice. Macham WWII like that lah.

And thus concludes the story of my disgusting lunch. You people have nothing better to do then read this ah.

2007-06-02T08:49:00.000+08:00

HOW ANNOYING IS IT WHEN,

INSTEAD OF WORRYING ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK IN A BIKINI LIKE EVERYONE ELSE (You call it complacency, I call it self acceptance. Let's all give and take a bit here.)

I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WHETHER REALLY RED ECZEMA PATCHES ARE OBVIOUS, VERY UNLIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

Guess its gonna be a while before I make it to the beach again. Sigh.

2007-05-30T21:00:00.000+08:00

I spent the longest time just lying in bed thinking today. I've been so busy with so much rubbish I haven't had very much me time lately. Anyway, I've been reflecting a lot. Like I think especially on my secondary school days.

You know how they say whatever's done is done and we should all just learn to move on. I think move to the next thing we might, but somehow we end up dragging everything along with us for the ride. I'm the first one to admit it, I've done a lot of things I'm not especially proud of. My friends now would never believe the person I was a couple of years back. I know this should come from me when I'm like thirty and thinking of my teenage years, but I think somehow in the last 2 years or so, I did more growing up then the rest of my years combined.

I really wish I could take everything back. Like go back in time and change it all. Like enjoy being 14, instead of trying so hard to be 21. I think the hardest lesson IJ taught me was you can't ever really trust anyone. At least not a bunch of teenage girls. I'm way closer to my IJ friends now then I ever was back then. Maybe with the possible exception of Punitha, who I've always had this really special bond with. But like Jenn and Kat, I think I know them now better than I did then. Thank God, because they're more or less quite unaware of what I used to be, or what I still sometimes am.

Its strange for me, going to school everyday now, being the good girl, sucking up to teachers for the fucking SGC(though I can't much be bothered anymore), and worrying about being late every morning. Its strange cause I've never been this like good girl ever. I see what my SR friends and classmates consider 'bad behaviour' and its just so ridiculous. Everyone's so sheltered, so blissfully unaware of life. I don't get how people live their lives following every single rule. Doing their homework dilligently every day, staying at home on weekends to mug. Its fucking crazy. A week of that and I'd commit suicide.

My friends have told me I've mellowed out. Drastically. I'm like this completely different person most of the time now, though you do catch glimpses here and there. Bitch got quite shocked today when I called some random guy a fucker. See what I mean? Absolutely ridiculous. In IJ I never minded much being by myself and whatever, cause school was just something you went to for a couple of hours a day. Once you got out of there you went and found your real friends and had your fun. Though I'll concede, every relationship I ever had during the period was completely fucked up. Now though, I spend so much of my time in school. I'm around people I feel completely uncomfortable with most of my days now. I mean of course there's Bitch lah but I mean everyone else. I worry about handing in assignments late, I worry about missing lessons. I worry about flunking now when I've always been the effortless above average student. I now worry about things I've never ever worried about before.

I'm considering making this blog private. Then I can really blog without using euphemisms for everything. I'm tired of being so vague. Its so draining and there's just no sense of accomplishment at the end of it. I think its really about time I stopped hoping for someone to come rescue me from this mess and get out of it by myself. Now all I need is a few more days every week, a few more hours to each day, and a few more pencilled in notes by the side of all my lecture materials and probably a lot more working brain cells. Abso-fucking-lutely great.

2007-05-27T13:12:00.000+08:00

When I was just a little boy,
I asked my mummy what will I be.
Will I be handsome,
Will I be strong,
This is what she said to me.
Oh Adrian Adrian, you are so very handsome and smart.
Clarissa's the adopted retard,
And forever you'll be my favourite.

HAHAHAHA. Big wave of nostalgia hit me today. Adrian used to irritate me with this all the time. In case you didn't realise, its the Que Sera Sera song, just horribly re-phrased. He alternated between this and HBK's Sexy Boy. As annoying as it was, I really miss those dumb days.

This is what makes growing up so damn hard.

2007-05-13T22:56:00.000+08:00

At the rate I've been moisturising, if you're wondering what to get for my birthday, industrial sized St. Ives would be nice. Yes, Clarissa has finally discovered the joy of sleeping with air-conditioners in the sweltering heat. Speaking of which, while drifting off during my afternoon nap and listening to the klunk klunk noises my air-con was making, I couldn't help but imagine it exploding. Like delicious orange flames all over, and me burning to death. Haha quite ironic right. Like the air con burning me. Hahaha, nvm, I'm very lame. Anyway, I was just thinking it'd be a pretty cool way to get out of A's.

Andddd, I'm finally, hopefully, comfortable enough to blog about this. Though I may sink into depression once this is over with. I'm rather sadly to say, no longer an S. Yes, I've moved on to adjusted M territory. The nightmare started when we went shopping for my bridesmaid dress. We went to Daniel Yen among other stops, and saw this really pretty dress. I tried on the S, and like the top part and all really fit very well, until it got to my hips. Where the dress kinda looked a little stretched. Then we tried the M, where the hips fit, but not much else. So I've now landed myself in adjusted M territory. We're probably gonna get that dress so I'm just gonna have to deal. Oh the worst part of it all, the other bridesmaid could fit into the S. And she's like 25! I'm trying really hard not to whine, but its so unfair. I would never have this problem anywhere else, where dresses are made to fit real bodies, not rectangle (literally everywhere, what with all the flat surfaces) Chinese people like everything in Singapore is tailored to fit. Eh I should really lock my blog soon, what with all these random racist comments all. Nevermind, if the boys love my hips as Shane says they do, then I'm still a very happy girl.

I've now reached the end of this very bimbotic post, feel free to leave tags telling me you love my sexy hips too. Hahaha. Night night.

2007-05-10T20:55:00.000+08:00

CLARISSA HAS NO FRIENDS.

I'm probably the only one who finds that funny, cause there's no one else to find it funny with me.

2007-05-05T19:58:00.000+08:00

Since I haven't gone for confession since my IJ days,

Guilt

1. Allowing Dad to drag you out for ice cream since you've been cooped up in your room the whole day studying. When you're really been catching up on your weekly shows.

2. Finishing two bags of Lays and 4 cans of coke while watching your weekly shows.

3. Lying to your parents that everyone else failed the Math and Bio papers too. When you really haven't paid attention to/attended any of your lectures.

4. Smoking 8 cigarettes in a row, yah lah no big deal, but considering I smoke like one a week. Hahaha. Followed by like 20 inhaler puffs. Damn asthma.

5. Calling up all your best friends to whine about how awful your life is, and not bothering to ask how they're doing.

6. Flirting with your friend's boyfriend.

7. Sleeping the rest of the day away, instead of starting the study plan.

And that's just today. God help me.

2007-04-29T15:15:00.000+08:00

You know you've become such the total nerd when you get excited that Popular's started stocking the new H1 Math topic by topic exam questions book (With added GC screen shots!).

In the car today, we were talking about how when Adrian and I have kids we'll dump them on Mum and Dad to look after. Dad's reaction, is totally as follows.

Dad : Yahhh I'll strangle them all and you can come back and collect your dead kids.

Ok lah maybe its one of those things you have to be there for. Anyway, point is, now Adrian and I never have to feel pressured to get married and have a million kids. Though I suppose if you're like a baby machine its a fabulous reason to never worry about your figure again.

Hahaha majorly dumb post, by a majorly bored person. Oh well, another day in the life of Clarissa Cross.

2007-04-17T19:12:00.000+08:00

I've decided I hate people who take literature. Or people who like to blog and show off that they're totally awesome at stringing adjectives together and being all hardcore emo or whatever. Instead of studying for my geography paper, I went blog hopping the whole day.

I'm glad I don't sound so patronising when I blog. At least not patronising to whoever reads this. I'm glad that even though I use full, gramatically correct sentences most of the time, I don't have too many difficult words in them. I hate people who constantly blog like they're all fucking poets. Its annoying; totally gets on my nerves. Now I know, you must be thinking that once again, Clarissa thinks she's better than everyone else. I totally know where you're coming from of course, I mean I bitch about how cheena people should just blog in chinese all the time, and now I'm bitching about people who blog too properly. But honestly, a blog is meant to be read right?

I don't know about everyone else, but I read everyone's blogs when I'm de-stressing, you know find out how all my friends are doing. I don't have very much time for long long phone conversations anymore, so we learn to make do right. I came across a blog today. I don't know why, and I've seen this more often than once, but everyone assumes the eye of the tornado means its the worst part. So many people describe the pain they're feeling as being akin to the eye of a tornado. Maybe its an oxymoron. Or a paradox. Or even fucking irony. I can't remember all my literature terms anymore, but to me it seems like ignorance. Ignorance and arrogance. Hey I rhyme too!

I think if I started blogging like that, I mean how hard is it to string difficult words together right, I'd stop having people tell me they like reading my blog. I'd stop like blogging too. Maybe its a way to de-stress. I used to love writing descriptive essays in IJ. My forte if you will. I never however, liked people reading them. To me it was/is maluating. Having everyone think you're this major freak who takes notice of all these insipid details. I mean sure you get to show off your wide vocabulary or whatever, but what does that matter if no one else understands what the hell you're going on about.

I know a lot of my entries are directed at very specific people, and as a result people don't always know what I'm going on about. I realise thats normal, I mean inside jokes and stories happen all the time. But to rant and rave about how you wish it was dark all the time so no one could see your all consuming pain when you're a fucking spoilt rich brat who gets everything you want is idiotic to me. I think thats what diaries are for, or personal blogs for that matter. Making your blog public and posting stuff like that is not only attention seeking, its condescending and shallow all at once.

I doubt anyone got to the end but good on you. Opposing viewpoints are always good. Let me know and I'll counter them. Yah lah yah lah GP over already so what.

2007-04-14T12:14:00.000+08:00

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I don't think things should be this hard.
Its the first time I've ever ever felt this inferior to everyone else.
And its yet another round of common tests next weeek.
Another round of bad news is more than I can take right now.
I can't handle being the disappointment of the family anymore.

2007-04-10T20:32:00.001+08:00

I seem to be the only one having this problem, where my cbox keeps getting spammed by random ads. I usually ban and delete them, but I left one up today,mainly cause it made me laugh. You can see it on the left on my tagboard, its for online Viagra. Men, shame of going to a pharmacy and getting Viagra is no longer an excuse to not fuck your saggy wife. Not when there's online Viagra at least.

Its like a half week to common tests. I just watched 3 episodes of House in a row. I'm totally awesome at time management, no?

2007-04-06T21:22:00.000+08:00

SOOOOOOOOOMEEEE PEOPLE AH. DESPITE ALL THEIR K-POP J-POP MUNJEN MUSIC FASCINATIONS AH DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE JAPAN IS. SOOOOOOOMMMME PEOPLE AH, DON'T WANT TO TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE THEN LOOK AT THEIR PAPER FOR ANSWERS LOHH. HAIYAHHHH SOME PEOPLE AH. NEED ONE SLAP TO WAKE UP THEIR IDEA MAN.

Hahaha stress relief only. 100 something days till I'm out of the fucked up school. Praise the Lord, Hallelujah. And yes, I've been going for all the holy week masses so far so DON'T COME AND SAY ME OKAYYY. SAY PEOPLE SAY YOURSELF.

You've gotta love Singlish lah. The ways in which it allows you to entertain yourself. AMAZINGGGGGGG.

2007-03-25T13:06:00.000+08:00

You'd think being 17 turning 18 would grant you a certain level of maturity over say a nine year old. Obviously not, or maybe just not in SR anyway. For all this talk about boys maturing later than girls, I'd rather handle boy immaturity as compared to girl immaturity any day of the week. Its shocking how girls can hold grudges over fucking insignificant issues. There's this girl who I've hung out with in this clique since school began last year. She's mad at me over some really stupid thing I said, that I completely forgot all about, ignoring me and making things all around awkward in my clique. Now anyone who knows me knows I run my mouth about absolutely everything and never ever mean to hurt anyone, unless of course they ask for it. Plus everyone knows I value pride over most things, so its not like I'm gonna apologise for being Clarissa any time soon. I was at Chris's 21st last night, and my two nine year old cousins, Joseph and Joel were behaving like that, not 'friending' the other for stealing water guns from one another. Like seriously, the resemblance to this is startling.

Being in SR really raised my tolerance for a lot of things, munjen music being one of them of course. I still cannot tahan it, especially when blasted out for everyone to hear. And if its not that it will be Hilary Duff or what, and all these idiots will start singing along. And force everyone else to listen too, but at least I've stopped insulting it so much, which really is a test of will power kinda thing if anything else.

I just can't wait to get out of this fucked up place. This country too. Give me intelligent conversation over who's hotter, Andy Lau or Jay Chou pleaseeeeee. If I could I'd start making friends with the minority Eurasians in school, if only I could tahan more than 10 minutes being around them. Thank God for Bitch or I'd have never survived this long in SR.

Ok fine, so being gracious and grateful are still virtues I have to cultivate. Show me someone else who's as open about their faults.

2007-03-20T21:28:00.001+08:00

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercings, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together.

Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it? ), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.

Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,
Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the letters " PTO".

Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:

PS:

Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.

I love you!

Your loving daughter

2007-03-19T22:31:00.000+08:00

Me : Discerning, realistic.

You : Naive, ignorant.

Fine lines, NO gray areas.

Blow my own fucking trumpet I will. About time too.

2007-03-04T13:22:00.000+08:00

Considering I blog like once a month, twice in a day is amazing no? I've just sat around the whole day, not doing much of anything. I've hardly ventured out of my room, except for water and the occasional futile rummaging through the fridge. In other words, I've had a lot of time to think about stuff. I've gone back to reading finally, and that's gonna be my new stress-kill from now on. Fab new author I've just discovered, Martina Cole. And in the afternoon tmr, after an entire morning of shopping with Mum, I'm really really gonna start hitting the books. As in JC books. Or lecture notes. Whatever, you get the point. For once I'm gonna be signed out of MSN, so people will finally stop talking to me when I'm not there. Yay go new Clarissa.

2007-03-02T03:25:00.000+08:00

So we got back Malay results yesterday. Even though I totally was expecting having to re-take the damn thing all over again, I still had to be a total girl and burst into tears. Which was really horribly mortifying cause I just kept crying and crying and crying. In front of everyone. I just wanna apologise to everyone I snapped at. I know you were all just trying to comfort me, but I still went into major bitch mode. I'm really really sorry for that. I think I've got this total inability to feel happy for my friends. I wasn't crying yesterday because I failed, it was more like everyone else passed. And then there were all these people going 'I did damn badly I got a B only'. This girl from my class started screaming when she got back her Malay results, probably an A. And thats when the floodgates opened and never closed. 3 hours a week of malay. As if my timetable isn't terrible enough.

I think JC was the worst decision I ever made. The stress is crazy. The last few days I've had so many breakdowns I think my family's started to lose count. Not only that, everyone's been so nice and careful around me in case I burst into tears. Except Dad of course, who still thinks his daughter can achieve anything she wants. I'm so tempted to go get a withdrawal form, do the whole poly thing. Honestly I think I'm more suited for that. All the poly work I've been doing for my friends certainly proves it. I don't know how anyone else copes with it. Maybe I've just been this really stupid bimbo all along and never noticed it. I know everyone else doesn't think its a big deal, having to repeat malay again, but to me it is. I've never failed anything major before. I got a C6 at O's on my first attempt. I just can't help thinking that when everyone gets their results next March I'm still gonna be the girl in the corner crying her eyes out. I wish this would all just end. That someone would come take me away from all of it. Most of all I think I wish I didn't have so many damn issues.

2007-02-06T15:44:00.000+08:00

Loving The Kooks. Yes, I'm finally going mainstream. Say what you want about the Brits, they still do produce the most original music. Andddd they're really hot too! I've absolutely nothing else to report, not like GP results were absolutely fab or anything. I keep trying to upload the damn cross country pics but blogger's annoying. RARRHHH. However, I must say this. Clarissa's matchmaking service is still totally open. I'm making this a yearly thing from now on. Yes I do bring happiness everywhere I go. And no Shane, I'm not high.

2007-01-30T02:29:00.000+08:00

Fucking funny especially since everyone's so hooked on Prison Break now. See what I do when I'm supposed to be studying all. I'm not really sure if they play this here cause its been ages since I've watched actual tv, but I'm guessing its still damn funny even if you've watched it over and over. Anyway enjoy.

Un-pimp my ride I, II and III.

2007-01-29T02:09:00.000+08:00

I want to marry Hiro Nakamura! Like totally. Damn cute lah. Anyway I think Heroes is gonna start showing here in a bit, so you'll see what I mean soon enough.

I need to find something to blog about. Though I think my friends have learnt not to check this page too often anyway so what does it matter right?

2007-01-25T14:54:00.000+08:00

Clarissa needs to learn to keep her mouth shut every once in a while, cause its getting her into far too much trouble with just about everyone.

2007-01-21T12:27:00.000+08:00

The brave front's getting really hard to maintain. Orange plastic Clarissa's starting to crack, for absolutely no reason. All these issues that have been there for years and years are suddenly re-surfacing and I hate myself for caring. For crying all fucking night.

Quote from Mum last night, after big fight between Dad and I.
"One's pre-menstrual, the other's post-menopausal."

Yah lah funny, but as much as I wish that was the problem, it isn't. Not really anyway I think. I can't explain it, and I don't know why I'm even bothering to try.

Nikita's staying over this weekend though. She's so big now. And absolutely adorable. The only good thing to happen to me all week. Though I've really been trying to stay in my room more and study instead of going out to play with her.

MAS-ESS is totally not on my list of priorities now, so stop asking. Doing research is making me feel stupid. The day you can't understand stuff from Wiki's the day you know you're not cut out for JC life. I've been trying to study though. Or at least I've been trying to understand stuff. Huge improvement, especially for stuff like Bio. I even bought Post-it flags. Go Clarissa. Plastic's totally made a comeback.

I've stopped making sense, so I'll just stop typing and go read through Homeostasis or what.

2007-01-11T12:29:00.000+08:00

I now study on public transport. Yes, I've reached THAT level of nerd. Look closely however, and you'll notice my notes are either completely devoid of any form of note-taking, or can't be recognized as still being paper.

Eh and all you fuckups. Wentworth Miller is not gay okay. He's been accused of it more than once, and its never been true lah okay. Even if he is does it matter? This obsession with sexuality is so annoyingly annoying. I know you're all damn happy to use his potential gay-ness as your excuse to not land a hot guy; they're all gay, but come on. You never had a shot anyway, and besides, no one wants you cause you're ugly either on the inside or outside, or in Singapore, a total disgusting mesh of both.

That's one rumour that's never gonna die here. Even though Season 2's godawful, Singaporeans have this problem with letting go. I mean if its cool in America it has to be cool here right. Stop trying to deny your cheena freak of the century status and latching onto the first random show around.

I could go on, but there's a mountain of work to do. Who knew anyone EVER collected holiday homework? I can't believe I'm actually sitting down and doing my tutorials for once.

2006-12-26T08:30:00.000+08:00

I now have Maple Story installed in my computer, thanks to Joseph and Joel, my 2 nine year old cousins, who felt it was such a crime that there exists a computer without Maple Story installed. I got weird looks the rest of the night for that.

Christmas eve was fun I guess. Aside from the splitting headache I got from trying to organise all the stupid games. Who knows best was pretty funny I guess. Pictionary I kicked ass! At guessing, not drawing. Everyone knows I can't draw for nuts.

Presents! Earrings, watch, notebook, pretty hair clip and cash. Usual lot I guess. I'll do a picture post when I'm bothered enough to start uploading all the pictures.

I'm gonna get awful fat right before school starts. Christmas dinner yesterday was yummy, even though I had to sit next to Joshua who spreads butter on steak. And not like it was herbal butter, where that'd been relatively acceptable, it was normal salted butter. And that boy can eat spoonfuls of pure butter. How sick is that. Then there's the christmas dinner today and tmr, plus everyday leading up to New Year's since the parents are gonna be out of town I'm gonna be out of the house.

So I've got to go make myself look halfway decent since relatives will come in a while. And then there's Christmas mass as well, who knows what time that's at.

Alright so Merry Christmas everyone, have a good one yah. Love you all.

2006-12-19T06:54:00.000+08:00

Christmas baking starts today. Which means the studying that was supposed to kick off today gets postponed even further. What I have figured out though, is that I've the whole of January to study too! Common test is only in Feb I think. I hope.

I'm absolutely craving for cheesecake, but there's just no space in the freezer for me to stick half in when I'm done baking. The only thing I hate about Christmas is the frozen meat all over the place. Although when its on the table its a different thing entirely.

Oh and I got to go with my parents to pick out my Christmas gift this year, so Clarissa Cross is finally happy with a present she's got. Praise the Lord.

2006-12-06T16:44:00.000+08:00

Let's make this really clear; I'm NOT receiving presents for Christmas this year so stop asking me what I want already. I'd much rather spend time with all of you anyway, cause I really haven't seen half my friends in forever. So please don't get anything for me, unless its for my birthday or next year's Christmas, where of course I'll be expecting kick ass presents from everyone, or I suppose if you also feel the need to randomly shower me with pretty things, all from next year on as well. Thank you and good night.

2006-12-03T05:13:00.000+08:00

Mum's ecstatic that they're starting belly dancing lessons at Kallang CC. Not for her, for me. God that would be an awful sight, my mum belly dancing. What's even awful-er, is that Dad was first to respond to her e-mail about it, saying that he wanted to join if no one else did. Yeah pot belly dancing here Patrick Cross comes.

I bet its all an excuse so that when she forces me to show off what I learnt she can start telling all our relatives how fat my body's becoming and whatever. Maybe I should start going to the gym. High metabolism doesn't last forever right. Plus there's just no running away from Indian Woman Syndrome(IWS)

Haha maybe I can get Jillian to learn with me. She is the vainpot of the family anyway. The only one who gets annoyed, aside from my grandparents, when I wear halters, cause its dressing sexier than her. Haha damn cute lah. She's like five in case you were wondering.

Nikita and Joseph came to stay the weekend. Or like half the weekend. Nikita's so adorable, listening to all her baby talk. And after a consecutive bunch of hyperactive kids, a passive baby is such a welcome change. This baby is so showered with love its amazing. Like everyone loves holding on to her and she's so clingy. Like she's the only baby her age who'd rather snuggle than go investigate her surroundings. Its so so adorable, you just wanna kidnap her and run away.

My favourite-est photo of Nikita, showing off her new teeth.

2006-11-27T03:28:00.000+08:00

Do an internet search on Clarissa Cross, and you find that she was 2nd runner up in Miss Nude Canada 1995.

Great. Thanks Shane.

2006-11-25T13:36:00.000+08:00

Swearing off the boys is awful hard when ridiculously adorable boy follows you around all day long. I wish I stopped listening to my brain so much and followed my heart once in a while. Yikes. And the studying I'm NOT doing is just totally piling up constantly. Geog's starting to freak me out. Taking 3 content subs probably isn't the best idea a pro procrastinater should ever have. Is it me or is my language totally slipping.

Bash was today, I'd totally have gone if Bitch and Heidi wanted to too. Full of SR spirit Sasa is.

I wish a certain someone would start getting the fucking hint. Bugger off already you freak.

I really hate being this mean but he totally deserves it. I don't want ANYTHING to do with you.

Oh well. Cell functions. demand and supply and plate tectonics awaits. How am I ever ever gonna catch up at this rate?

Pull me out from inside.
I am ready I am ready I am ready I am fine.

2006-11-24T12:36:00.000+08:00

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
I promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now,
I'm in too deep; there's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just a-drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughing at the rain
A little out of touch, a little insane
It's just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train, never coming back
Runaway train, tearing up the track
Runaway train, burning in my veins
I run away but it always seems the same

Runaway train - Soul Asylum

2006-11-23T12:45:00.000+08:00

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good !

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A : Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO. Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"

Haha my dad's damn cute, sending me silly e-mails like this to get my mind off being red the whole day. I hate allergic reactions. Sigh.

2006-11-22T01:43:00.000+08:00

Its a wonder why some people keep blogs at all. I think blogs are supposed to be like your thoughts, quirky or otherwise interesting moments that happen. And yet there are so many blogs that like chart what the writer does everyday. Like today I woke up at ten, brushed my teeth, didn't feel like showering so I just went to school. After school I came home and had a cookie. After the cookie, I played a computer game; you know the kind miserable hopeless boys like me spend all my time playing. I had a million hours of tuition after, and then I talked to a bunch of people online and got inspired to blog about my very very boring life.

Like who reads that? Seriously. I doubt if I start blogging like that my statcounter thing will jump as much as it does now. Yeah right. And I'm so totally considering the password thing taking into account all the recent violations of my privacy. Somehow Clarissa just attracts all the freaks. Which also totally explains my current collection of friends. The amount of sense I make is astounding, no?

School school! Lectures lectures!

2006-11-16T12:42:00.000+08:00

DELLY BELLY. says:
SASA!

DELLY BELLY. says:
I have OVERWHELMING evidence that michael and sara end up together.

DELLY BELLY. says:
SASAAAAAAA. where are youuuuu.

DELLY BELLY. says:
I need to tell you this NOW.

clarissa. says:
haha alright let's hear it.

clarissa. says:
you know i'm the conspirant among us right.

clarissa. says:
let's hear it anyway. go.

DELLY BELLY. says:
okok you know how his surname's Scofield.

DELLY BELLY. says:
as in starts with s.

DELLY BELLY. says:
its a sign cause sara starts with S too!

DELLY BELLY. says:
so when she marries him she becomes sara scofield.

DELLY BELLY. says:
coincidence? I think not.

DELLY BELLY. says:
how many people do you meet with onamatopeic names.

DELLY BELLY. says:
its onamatopeic right.

DELLY BELLY. says:
SASA WHERE THE HELL ARE YOUUU.

DELLY BELLY. says:
quick quick I neeeeed you to admit I'm awful smart.

DELLY BELLY. says:
I mean how many people pick up on onamatopeic names.

DELLY BELLY. says:
I've never even met a person with an onamatopeic name.

DELLY BELLY. says:
I like onamatopeic.

clarissa. says:
awful maybe.

clarissa. says:
clarissa cross.

DELLY BELLY. says:
vindictive bitch.

I'm worried for what's left of my sanity.

2006-11-15T16:58:00.000+08:00

It doesn't hurt me.
You want to feel, how it feels?
You want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
You want to hear about the deal I'm making.
You, you and me.

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
Get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
If I only could;

You don't want to hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.
There's a thunder in our hearts, baby.

So much hate for the ones we love?
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?
You, you and me.
You and me; won't be unhappy.

Placebo - Running up that hill.

2006-11-10T13:10:00.000+08:00

MALE AND FEMALE PRAYERS

FEMALE PRAYER

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.

MALE PRAYER

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
Who owns a liquor store and a fishing boat.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
Amen.

HAHAHA.

2006-11-08T13:58:00.000+08:00

I've never felt as broke as I do now.

Rich friends and not so generous parents make for an absolutely awful combination.

2006-11-08T02:59:00.000+08:00

How am I a bad influence. Everyone's just been annoying me so much. Shane's mum gave me this whole long lecture yesterday about how because of me her son doesn't have a girlfriend. If only she knew what her son gets up to when she's off on all those holidays. Or at NTUC for that matter. Haha. Just cause Shane spends ages with me doesn't mean he doesn't spend ages with a girl that could potentially be his next girlfriend/conquest. Eeeek. I hate all mothers. And the maid's been blaming all her behaviour on how if Clarissa can do it I can too. Erm what. Since when did you become family. Ahhhh I hate everything and everyone now.

And a certain someone's blog made me positively green this early in the morning. Its so disgusting the extent of obsession. Shane's all too happy to go whack him up for me, but I think its about time I started dealing with my problems on my own instead of running to Shane/Adri/Glenn/Joshua/whoever else offers to get rid of the guy for me. Adri especially, with all his big time connections. Hahaha.

Anyway, RYAN STAR'S COMING TO SINGAPORE. And I absolutely can't go cause its by invite only and you've to be 18 to take part in the stupid contest anyway. I'm consoling myself with what Jenn said, He's gonna be on the same soil as us. Hahaha. Fanaticism doesn't suit me well.

PW PW. Gotta find the damn PI.

2006-11-06T06:04:00.000+08:00

All this Indian drama going on in my house. Aiyohhh. Everyone better start treasuring the not so wonderful moments spent with me, I might not be around for much longer. Maid might kill me in a whole plethora of ways.

Totally random, but I want DX wristbands! Christmas anyone?

Nikita's official birthday party's later on. Ahhhhh. Cutest baby in the world, along with all my other nieces and nephews and cousins and all the million other babies in the family.

And that about rounds up everything on my mind. Pocahontas? =)

2006-11-03T13:13:00.000+08:00

Channel 5 is just totally annoying me. Its one thing ruining national tv with all their godawful local shows, but when they start messing around with Prison Break it starts to get really infuriating. Someone please tell me wth is wrong with Mediacorp. Seriously, its so insulting to the show to play trailers set to songs so.. condescending to the show. They keep playing the trailer on tvmobile every damn time I get on the bus, about Michael and Sara, set to The Frays's How to Save a Life. I mean come on. I know Prison Break's hit mainstream, but do you really have to compromise on the show's already dubious credibility with fucked up music to go along? I mean sure its a pretty good song. Like on its own. Amazingly totally off when you put it together with Prison Break. Ahh. And what is with the cheena voiceover man. Its so so so disgusting I can't take it. Its not like they haven't done enough to destroy the show, what with playing it faster and deleting scenes and all. I'm pretty sure it infringes some sort of law, when you're deleting scenes that can't even be defended as containing offensive material or whatever. Its just so they can squeeze another 93848374384 cheena commercials into the never ending advertisement breaks. Speaking of which, what is up with the cheena commercials ah. Since when did the English channel start having Chinese commercials ah. What Channel 8 not enough now? Am I the only person who gets annoyed when they play Chinese shows on tvmobile? I mean I know we're majority Chinese, but our national language is still Malay and our medium of communication is still English. Is this any way to encourage people to speak better English?

Now that I'm all diatribe-ed out, I'll go memorise some Peribahasa.

Please don't no one arrest me tommorow.

2006-10-31T11:51:00.000+08:00

After reading Tiri's blog, and seeing how sweet her tribute thing to everyone that matters to her is, I've decided to do one too. I guess I never really thanked all these people for being such a big big part of my life; I do take things for granted a whole lot of the time. Anyway, here's to thanking all of you.

OLD OLD KAWAN.

Dell
My best friend since what 4? This is the one person I love most in the world. She's so like me its amazing and I'm just really glad I met her. We've been through so much together, and her accident just made me realise how much she really means to me. I don't know what I'd do without you.

Shane and Glenn
These guys have always been there for me. They're like my surrogate big brothers, and any boy has to go through them first. Haha. They've always taken care of me, and manja-ed me non-stop. Even though we don't spend as much time together anymore, I still love both of you many many. Sheekadilaaa.

Tryna and Mikae.
Ahhh my bitching partners. Phone convos all night long, sleepovers, movie marathons. I love both of you like hell. You're my confidants, and we've been besties forever. Thanks for all the beautiful memories.

IJ KAKI.
I'm so grateful to all of you. Cool table people, you've really made this huge impact on my life. Tiri, Jenn, Angelina, Keish, Punitha and even our racist friend Vera. You guys have made my IJ days so memorable, the constant laughter, all the nonsense we did in class. Ahhh I miss you guys so so much.

SR FRIENDS.
Haha okay I suppose the only people I'm close to here are Aileen, Heidi and Stef. I spend all my time in school with you guys, and its great how we get along so well. Haha its fun reminscising with Bitch and Stef about IJ days, and Heidi's full of funny funny stories about everything! School's just so fun with all of you around. I couldn't wish for a better group of friends really. Thank you for being you.

EVERYONE ELSE.
Okay well to all the other random people I've met along the way, I hope I get to know all of you better some day. I'm really grateful to have so many friends, people who care about me and actually bother to know what's been going on with me. Thank you.

I feel so absolutely gay now but it was worth it. I know its totally not a Clarissa thing to go around thanking everyone, but you guys really mean a whole whole lot to me. I love you all many many.

2006-10-30T17:06:00.000+08:00

Kel says:
i remember there was once.
Kel says:
i came over and visited.
Kel says:
then you threw up on the floor.
Kel says:
*burst out laughing*
clarissa. says:
er okay
Kel says:
its like some random memory.
Kel says:
cause we were all in your parents room watching wrestling.
Kel says:
then suddenly from the doorway. we heard something like peanuts dropping.
Kel says:
then adrian's like. PICK IT UP PICK IT UP.
Kel says:
and i was the only one who even turned and looked at the doorway.
Kel says:
and you were like. achaaacha. i vomeet.
clarissa. says:
hahahhaa
Kel says:
*laugh until cry*
Kel says:
priceless moment

Ahhhh. I miss my cousin.

2006-10-30T08:51:00.000+08:00

Chapter 1: Personal

Initials:
C.J.C

Middle name:
Jan

Birthday:
19th July

Birth Place:
NUH, Singapore.

Current location:
Boon Keng, still Singapore.

Height:
163 on a good day.

Hair length:
Mid neck?

Eye color:
Brown black. Black brown. Black. Brown.

Piercings:
5

Birthmarks:
Explains why you don't see me in bikinis very often.

Chapter 2: Family

Do you live with your parents:
Yeah

Do you get along with your parents?
Dad most of the time, Mum none of the time.

Do you have any siblings?
Adrian. 7 years older.

What pets do you have?
Dog

What are there names?
Adrian. Haha. Guinness lah.

Chapter 3: Favorites

City:
Sydney.

Season:
Autumn. Everything gets so pretty.

Clothing brand:
Whatever looks good on me I suppose.

Color:
Red. Burgundy. Brown.

Number:
6.

Chapter 4: Do You ...

Sing in the shower?
Totally. Been recorded by Adrian and Shane many times too.

Write memos on your hand?
Yeah well notebooks never last more than a week around me.

Call people back?
If I feel like it.

Believe in love?
Not at my age, no.

Sleep on a certain side of the bed?
Yeah. There's even indentation on the bed.

Wear glasses or contacts?
Both. Specs at home, or when my eyes annoy me in the morning.

Chapter 5: Have You Ever...

Worn braces?
Yeah

Broken a bone?
Yeah in my toe. Haha.

Punched someone in the face?
Haha yeah. But I punch like a girl so it was kinda more like a slap. Haha.

Skipped school?
Totally.

Taken painkillers?
Yeah. Once a month every month.

Been to overnight camp?
Er yeah. Who hasn't.

Written a letter to Santa Claus?
Till about 12. I'm one of those kids who don't give up easily.

Had detention?
Too many times.

Been sent to the principal's office?
Haha yeahhhh.

Been called a bitch?
Everyday, mostly by Aileen. Or I suppose if someone really hates me.
(Does anyone else notice I've done everything in this part? Hm.)

Chaper 6: Who/What was the last..

Person to IM you?
Tryna. One of those convo windows that never close.

Person to call you?
Joshua.

Person you hugged?
Erm. I think Kristie.

Person you tackled?
Hahahahaha. Glenn the last time I saw him. Then I realised the girl in his room.

Thing you touched?
Well if the keyboard doesn't count then its my cup of Dreyser's.

Thing you ate?
Dreyser's Cookies and Cream.

Drank?
Tang. You know Grandmama's in town when there's Tang in the house.

Thing you said?
Who knows. I talk too much for my own good anyway.

RARRRHHH.

2006-10-29T12:40:00.000+08:00

I'm pretty glad I didn't go to SA or CJ. I'm really glad I worked instead of first 3 months. I mean I'd have remained the stuck up brat I've been all these years had it not been for all of that. I think work really really changed me. I'm really grateful my parents made me start right from the bottom. I probably wouldn't have matured so much if I went with the Four Seasons job. Give me Carl's Jr. any day baby.

I so totally miss being a workaholic. I used to clock the most hours week after week. 16 hour shifts just give you this total sense of accomplishment you know. Like you made it another day, and nothing's ever gonna get to you. Like you can handle anything that comes your way. I miss the people I worked with. They were such a fun lot. They didn't pretend to be smart and into smart people things, they were just people. So original and so refreshing. I mean I totally loved coming to work cause it was a new thing everyday. Dancing during off-peak and sleeping under sinks. And bullying the boys into doing the really hard/gross stuff for you.

I remember feeling so estranged from all my friends at that time. Like I never wanted to meet anyone or go for sleepovers or my marathon movie sessions with Shane, Tryna, Glenn and Mikae. I just felt so different from everyone else, and I guess that feeling's never really gone away. It really just feels like no one gets me now. I wish someone would waltz into my life and take over the now somewhat empty position of best friend. Then again everyone's so busy these days it doesn't seem very likely.

I hate being in JC. I hate being the dumping ground for everyone and everything. I hate the stress and I hate the people. Well most of them anyway. Sure I've met some really nice people. But its like most of them are just so fake. Trying so hard to fit in, changing into something its really obvious they're not. Maybe its just this phase in our lives you know. Like this period of time where no one has any clue of who they are or where they're headed. That or maybe everyone's just too grade obsessed to see anything deeper than books.

I think I might be pregnant. I've been having the oddest food cravings lately. I had lemon apple pie for breakie, an egg foldover with bacon stuffed for lunch and breaded zucchini and potato gratin for dinner. And tomato juice the entire day. I like how Mama isn't at home to complain about how all her fruits and veges are disappearing at the speed of light. Yummy yummy. I'm making Adri bring home a coconut for me cause I'm currently craving the pulp. Yikes. Mama said she had coconut cravings all the time when she was pregnant with me. Hm. Intriguing I'm sure.

2006-10-28T10:38:00.000+08:00

Its NOT nasi lemak if its made with un-coconut-ed BROWN rice, and if we're all only allowed to have 3 spoons of rice each. I hate how my family's so health-concious. Nasi lemak at our house is baked chicken/fish, boiled egg, cucumber and sambal. Sambal of course with added protein supplements.

Eww.

Adrian's at church, believe it or not. He's been going for daily mass now. At St. Mike's of all churches. Mostly cause he's too lazy to take a bus to another one. Point is he's going for mass. Its funny how my brother's embracing his faith just when I'm losing mine. Everyone's becoming so holy and perfect and I'm staying me. The contrast is amazing. Dad and Mum are going up to Rawang this weekend with a bunch of assorted relatives for St. Jude's feast. As Mum so eloquently put it, they went up last year to pray for my O's, cause there's obviously no way I'd have done relatively well without the patron saint of hopeless cases on my side. I swear, in my family, if I were top student in Singapore, it wouldn't be cause I decided to be smart and study my ass off, it'd be that everyone else just took a break from hitting the books.

I wish I wasn't so damned sensitive. I wish I wish I wish.

Anyway, because everyone's been annoying me with their nonsense diets and quest to spiritual perfection, I've gone on a massive baking spree to encourage sinful-ness. I've been baking everyday. Problem is I'm the only one eating anything aside from Dad who sneaks brownies late late at night when no one's watching. I've been house visiting a lot to give away food. Shane got banana muffins and oatmeal cookies today. I can't give any away to relatives cause Mum's been going around telling everyone that my food's disgustingly sweet, even though she's yet to taste anything from this baking spree and I've massively cut down sugar in everything. So now all my besties will get fat fat instead. Just cause I cut the sugar doesn't mean I cut the butter. I don't hear Shane complaining though. Haha.

Oh and quote of the day yesterday was by Mrs Kok Chwee Kee, soon to be ex-principal of SRJC.

" A is the first letter of the alphabet. Always remember that "

Oh it had to come from SR.

I'm off to watch Nip/Tuck now. Cheerio.

2006-10-26T22:06:00.000+08:00

Dad's just told me our very first maid, Jacqueline's in town. This is the lady that took care of me from birth till I was about three. I kinda vaguely remember her, really really fair with funny hair. I'm really excited she's here. She's dropping by our house on Monday. To see how much Adrian and I have grown up in the 14 years she hasn't seen us in. Amazing really. Dad says I was really attached to her, and she to me. She even named her daughter Clarissa. How cool is that. The girl's about twelve now. I'm just so super excited to see her. She must be pretty old now and probably looks completely different from this vauge outline I have of her face. I still absolutely can't wait. Maybe she can tell me stories about when I was a baby. Mum and Dad were never around much to know more than how I took 3 hours to finish a meal. Maybe she remembers what my first words were and whatever. I'm probably the only kid who doesn't know that. Ahhhh. I totally can't wait!

2006-10-24T15:49:00.000+08:00

H3 Econs. Eurgh.

Who knew becoming smart came with so much stress.

Though I'll admit game theory sounds a whole lot more interesting than fucking demand and supply.

I'm so sick of JC. Our whole damn education system really. The constant pressure to do better than everyone else. And to maintain it when you actually get somewhere.

Now that promos are over its project work and malay. No break. Then comes a million holiday lessons. Some holiday. Then there's the mugging for Feb's Common Test, as well as maybe, probably H3 classes. Another common test, mid-years. And then of course there's the actual 'A's. Fuck. I can't have one day to myself without feeling guilty. Why why why do I keep saying yes to everything when I know I don't have enough time for all of it.

I just wish I had a fucking choice half the time. I wish everyone would just stop thinking I'm smart and leave me alone. I think I'll go back to skipping school all the time and failing every class.

Most of all I think I just wish that everyone didn't have so much faith in me. I mean sure its great that all your friends and most of your family have that much confidence in you, but its like I didn't do anything to deserve it. I really wish I could be smarter, better at time/stress management. Maybe then I could handle all this a whole lot better. Its like everyday I go to bed and its like, I still have this much to do. Every day should have 180 hours in my opinion. Then maybe I could meet deadlines once in a while.

How does everyone else do this?

2006-10-23T03:30:00.000+08:00

Dieting's oh so easy when you see what's for lunch.

Leftovers from the past two weeks.

Ewww.

Fuck, I wish I had had him before life got to him.

2006-10-16T15:58:00.000+08:00

clarissa. says:
omg guess what

angelina says:
?

clarissa. says:
my boobs grew!!!!

angelina says:
CONGRATULATIONS!

angelina says:
measured ah

clarissa. says:
haha my bras very tight

clarissa. says:
haha i damn excited

clarissa. says:
i will put on lots more weight now.

clarissa. says:
if only i could find some way to channel all the weight there instead of my hips

angelina says:
haha

angelina says:
binding

clarissa. says:
bind my hips ah

clarissa. says:
isnt that like wearing really really tight panties.

angelina says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAH

AIYOHHHH. THE NONSENSE CONVOS I HAVE WITH HER AH.

I LOVE ANGELINA MARYANNE LOURDES.

2006-10-10T02:25:00.000+08:00

Lunching with IJ kaki. Ahhhhh I'm super super super excited. Haven't seen half of them for ages.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE MY FRIENDS.

2006-10-09T06:54:00.000+08:00

You got a fast car,
But is it fast enough so we can fly away?
We gotta make a decision;
We leave tonight or live and die this way.

2006-10-08T12:54:00.000+08:00

I found out some things about him today. God I feel like such a complete idiot. I hate that I'm so presumptuous all the time. Its moments like these you find out how awful it is when you stereotype someone.

As much as I'd like to though, nothing seems worth it anymore. I've been so depressed lately. Its like all these things have just been building up one by one. Everytime I get over something, something worse just comes along and shoves me back into the ground again.

Great, I sound like some pessimistic mad bitch now.

I miss Shane. Another Saturday's gone by with me waiting all day for that caramel frappe. I miss my friends so so so much. I don't think I'd be in this deep if things were the same way they used to be. I wish I could be a kid again. I keep thinking of the first time I met him, dumping that bucket of sand over his head. And his oh so adorable reaction.

I wish everyone wasn't too busy for me anymore.

2006-10-08T02:07:00.000+08:00

Mum was bitching about the costs of sending me to the library the other day, about how it cost like $6 to get across CBD, and another $4 on petrol, so why couldn't I just take the bus and all. Haha. This followed.

Me : Petrol : $4.
Me : CBD :$6
Me : The chance to do something nice for your daughter : Priceless.
Mum : I'm gonna remember that line when you ship me off to the nursing home.

HAHAHAHA.

2006-10-05T12:28:00.000+08:00

Depression sinks in when you start seeing Wentworth Miller on everyone's display picture.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Kill me now I beg you.

2006-10-05T12:04:00.000+08:00

Holidays are gonna be fantastic. Looking over the fall schedule, 36 shows I want to start/continue watching. God I'm such a freak. I'm never ever ever gonna get out of the house at this rate. I wonder how the computer's gonna store all this. I think I better start learning how to burn dvds. I hate small RAM or whatever.

Econs paper went better than expected. Geog practically everything I didn't study for came out. Yikes.

Friday's getting awfully close. While it does signify the end of promos and we should all be really happy, it does mean that the biopsy's coming up too. Dad and Adrian got really freaked out when I kinda let it slip it was there. Ahhhh. I'm damn scared. Either way, benign or malignant, its gonna take surgery to get it out. Thank God there's no history of it, so far.

Aside from the depression this brings, my friends have been so supportive its amazing. I love all of you to bits and pieces. Whether its assuring me I'm gonna get promoted and/or not gonna kick the bucket any time soon, you've all really been there for me. I'm sorry I haven't been reciprocating. I've been a bit self-obsessed lately.

2006-10-04T15:59:00.000+08:00

Fuck fuck fuck. I drank so much coffee I can't sleep now. 4 cups of super strong coffee. I've got 2 papers tmr and I can't get to sleep. Yikes.

I've gone through all this market structure rubbish. My head is so cramped with stuff and there are so many things I don't understand about it. I'm so totally gonna mix them up tmr. Or fall asleep during the 3 HOUR LONG PAPER WITH NO BREAKS. My ass hurt so much from the bio paper that I'm so totally convinced its become flatter. I have no idea why I'm blogging about my ass, but maybe if I ramble on and on I'll eventually bore myself until I fall asleep.

I've given up on the physical geog paper. Looking at some checklist, I realise I know just about nothing. I didn't even realise we covered this whole chapter on floods. I think I've skipped a few too many geog lectures.

I so wish I had an econs lecture taped. Then I can listen to that and fall asleep.

Its funny how when I'm most awake my blog posts are at their most awful.

I'm gonna try sleeping now. Bye FOLKS. Haha I'm gonna miss that when I leave srjc after all this.

2006-10-04T14:39:00.000+08:00

I find it totally hilarious how so many people suddenly become my friend in the week leading up to their econs exam. Haha. Everyone always asks what I'm studying and concentrating on and whatever. And start asking me all these weird complicated questions like how do pc firms make profits. Erm. Go make friends with your econs teacher and ask can. This idiot here doesn't know ANYTHING.

2006-10-04T12:32:00.000+08:00

I found out I'm Adrian's CPF nominee person. Which means if he dies, I'll get all his CPF money. He had to fill up half a million forms to get it switched from my parents to me. Naturally, Mum was quite upset when she found out he intentionally did it, but this was pretty much how it went down.

(At a rare family dinner where we're all actually present.)
Adrian : I managed to switch my CPF nomination to Sa you know.
Mum : Should be us right not her?
Adrian : Yah but if its you all, Monday my funeral, Tuesday you'll start renovating the house.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

2006-10-03T13:40:00.000+08:00

You know that awful cliche, ' Dance like no one's watching'? Fuck that. I say 'Open every drawer like there's a cockroach in it'.

Be still my trembling, post heart attack, heart.

In other news, Alexis Meghan Fernandez was born two hours ago. My sixth niece. God I feel so old. Can you believe I don't get to see the new baby till Friday? Yet another reason to hate promos. I'm so happy anyway. And you know at the rate all these nice names are being snapped up by my highly reproductive cousins, I'm gonna be stuck naming my kid something like Aileen. Oh such a cheap shot. Hahaha, still funny though.

I think I'm getting a bit too addicted to babies. I want half a million of my own someday.

2006-10-01T13:27:00.000+08:00

Adrian pokes his head through my door.

Adrian : My friends are coming over at 11 tmr. Wear something decent and comb your hair a bit can.

Me : Hot or not.

Adrian : All married lah.

Me : RARRRRH. I won't be awake anyway.

Adrian : Just don't be embarrassing.

And then a half hour fight about who's more embarrassing ensues.

I love my brother, a little bit, some of the time.

2006-09-28T02:24:00.000+08:00

Poly looks so damn appealing now.

And I thought 30 points were easy to get.

Happy one day late birthday Heidi Mama. Sorry we totally forgot.

We got you a cool present though, ages ago.

2006-09-22T12:36:00.000+08:00

They're gonna show Prison Break in an hour. As depressed as I am about it, I've decided that Wentworth Miller is a joy that must be shared. As much as I'd like to think that I'm above all the cheena freaks, I'm quite sadly just a normal person, with even more sadly, absolutely no influence on Mediacorp.

Anyway, to all the cheena freaks out there. Don't worry if you don't understand the show. It probably requires a certain amount of higher level thinking anyway. I know you all think Mr Miller would be hotter only if he had long long yellow/orange hair with way too much wax/gel/hairspray/cow dung or whatever else Singaporean boys put in their hair. Also, please reflect on why you are so cheena in the first place.

I'm so not good at this whole I'm not above cheena freaks thing. I'm trying though.

In an effort to be nice, here's the closest thing Mr Miller had to long hair.

2006-09-16T12:23:00.000+08:00

I hate that I'm so weak, especially when it comes to you.

2006-09-13T12:26:00.000+08:00

They're starting Prison Break soon on 5. I don't see the point, since they'll censor everything anyway. And I'm really upset that now I'm gonna have to share Mr Miller with all these random cheena freaks who also like random 5566 boys. Gross.

I can just imagine the typical blog entry.

" hAizZzzZ today so sianzz. .so boring lahz.. i got watch some show on tv jz now. i think name is prison something lorh. wAh piang dunch knoe what they got tok about le. but that michael scofield very hot woRhzzz.. cUtE CuTe!"

I'm gonna kill myself soon. Bitch and I are planning to write in to Straits Times and complain about the 'religious and moral implications' we are seemingly condoning and imparting to our youths. Seeing as its a Singapore paper, it of course will never make its way to the Forum page. But just to avoid a catastrophe like the above, we'll spend a lot of time and effort in making it sound as pro as possible anyway.

2006-09-11T10:42:00.000+08:00

This made me laugh, especially since I was so worked up over that stupid book Tryn gave me to read. And Shane always cracks me up with his silly dance to this song.

I swear, 'Every move' by Peter McPhee is like the story of my life retold, just with a different ending. Well story of the saga of a while back at least. Tryn is such a freak to lend me a book like this.

2006-09-07T22:23:00.000+08:00

Why why why is it that Clarissa always refers to some malicious vindictive bitch in every book I read? She's always the old spinster everyone hates or the evil grandma or whatever. Super super annoying. I hate my name, especially with the prostitute stigma attached so lovingly to it.

I wish my parents had put a bit more thought/research into it and not just named me after Dad's secretary.

Thank God they didn't go with Mum's choice of Heather though. I'd much rather be a prostitute than a feather.

2006-09-06T13:52:00.000+08:00

Jennifer Love Hewitt is such a slut. How can she like my Wentworth Miller? I hate hate hate her and hope she gets strangled to death by psycho Haywire who's recently just escaped from jail. Or T-bag could rape and kill her I suppose. No wait. She can't die thinking she's attractive. Stupid anorexic slut.

2006-09-06T13:46:00.000+08:00

I've officially been christened 'Satan's child'. I went outside to get some juice, and Nirvana's Rape Me was blasting on the com. Dad got the shock of his life I think. HAHA.

2006-09-04T14:09:00.000+08:00

Seems like everyone's born in September. I'm gonna be so broke this month. Saving up for the big splurge is oh so hard when I already splurge everyday. Its about time the parents upped my allowance again. Every six months just about cuts it even right?

I suppose its gonna take a bit more of a convincing argument than that. Off to work I go!

2006-09-03T12:18:00.000+08:00

I think its about time I do something drastic. Shake things up a little. Life's getting a bit too mellow already. Imagine this, Clarissa Cross filing up her worksheets. Delly Belly's gonna be so proud.

2006-08-30T11:24:00.000+08:00

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peanuts make me throw up.

2006-08-27T03:33:00.000+08:00

Now tell me Baby Nikita isn't the most adorable kid you've seen in a really long time.
That's her having her very first 'swim'.

2006-08-20T14:24:00.000+08:00

Who knew I could whack an entire Fillet-O-Fish in 30 seconds flat eh? I had no idea I could chew so fast.

2006-08-20T14:15:00.000+08:00

Its hard NOT being in a relationship. I've been wondering why this year has been oh so damn difficult for me, and I've realised I don't really have anyone to lean on anymore. I'm so used to having a shoulder to cry on, and big big hugs from people I manage to convince myself I'm in love with, if only for a month or two. Everytime something's gone wrong I've always had someone around. To distract me I guess. Like keep my mind off all the awfulness. Its just so completely different now, having not only to take care of me, but everyone else as well. Everyone's so lost, and I've to find them while searching for me.

I hate it when I start to get all philosophical/confused.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I miss you. And before everyone starts yelling at me, no its not him. No way am I putting myself through that again. Its one of the other hims, as Glenn so eloquently puts it. Oh well, its not like he'll ever know. I doubt he reads this anymore.

Oh god, I've become the mascot for desperation.

2006-08-19T03:13:00.000+08:00

I guess we just have to thank God she went peacefully right? Its weird, I know I should be mourning and like deep in sorrow, but all I feel is this great sense of calm. Grandma was in so much pain in her last few days, and we were all just pretty much praying that it'd happen this way. I guess I was kinda expecting it, I couldn't sleep the entire night that day.

Anyway, wake's at St. Joseph's Church, I think till Saturday. Obituary's in the papers if anyone needs more details. Come on down if you can make it okay? I'm starting to really, finally appreciate all these moments spent with everyone I love.

I loved all her eccentricity. She was always such a joy to be around, even when she was pulling down all my skanky tops and maluating me in front of countless relatives/priests. I won't be selfish and wish she was still here, she's not in pain anymore, and that's really all anyone can hold on to now.

2006-08-15T14:04:00.000+08:00

I was so happy when I found out we could miss an hour of Mr whatever, cause we had to do some Hong Kong thing. The whole time I was under the impression that it was some talk about Hong Kong. Turns out its some fucking PRIMARY SCHOOL TEST. It was some english test, where we had to take data from some big chunk of research on robotics of all things, and turn it into a letter. I haven't done letter writing in a few thousand years also you know. And the english was so utterly terrible in all the data given. Like what kind of english test is this. And it was oh so long too. Bitch cracked me up with the I am Terry Lau thing though. Funny Funny.

Two weeks notice is a dumb show.

I'm getting mentally prepared for backlash from barely doing anything for i learn. Yikes.

Rubbish-ness abound.

2006-08-12T20:12:00.000+08:00

Marathon shopping yesterday. With mama and Aunty Daisy. Not as terrible as I imagined. Okay maybe the Mama bit. I didn't meet that many people. A first for a towning experience. We spent way too much. I would do pictures, but blogger seems to hate me and photos.

1. New Levi's.
2. Pink and purple stripey off shoulder top.
3. Pink beach shorts.
4. Brown formals.
5. White chinos.
6. Pink super comfy + super see-through shirt.
7. Green sequin shirt.
8. Massive huge belt.

Rough calculations done by me, who is terribly bad at math brings this up to $482. In one day. Yikes. I absolutely love love love the belt. It cost, $89.90 before discount, $71.20 after. And Aunty Daisy paid for it. AHHH. I am so completely in love with her for it. Even though she already got me this beautiful black formal bag for topping econs, she's pretty much going all out with it. Any excuse to shop is a good one right? And she says since she can't pull off big belts anymore, cause they're all supposed to emphasise skinny waists, she should give me the opportunity. Erm okay. I think its more her not having a daughter. She could totally adopt me. Okay maybe not. So anyway, the gist of it is, I will start going for more family functions, and not sulk when I'm forced to stay on for hours on end.

Among things mum refused to let me buy ,or pay for was this beautiful oversized yellow dress top at Zara. I don't often buy clothes from there, but this was so nice. And quite cheap lah. Like 30 or what. Which mum FORCES you to buy tight tight clothes and then criticises how fat you look in everything when you wear them after? I would have thought in the age of skimp-iness, oversized would be welcomed. Maybe not. Oh and she absolutely refused to fork out cash for the bikini, scolding me for not reminding Dell to return the last one. Sigh. Looks like I'm on my own for that one. Hopefully there aren't any beach outings for a while.

I learn day is, totally not touched. Went online and read the econs announcement and wanted to kill myself. Who's so free to click here click there? Bio gave us like I think 1 term's worth of work to read up on. I'm hoping and praying there's no geog. Anyway half my subjects aren't on Aspire, so can I claim to not be able to access?

I hate SR. I can't wait to marry my rich guy and go shopping everyday. Oh god I'm such a spoilt brat. Kill me now.

2006-08-11T01:45:00.000+08:00

I wonder how guys tahan talking to me ALL NIGHT LONG. Especially when I still half sound like a man and launch into big coughing fits ever so often. Though I suppose Shane's always said if I were a guy he'd turn gay for me. Which never made sense because he's already so fucking gay. Maybe I should try the whole boob-binding thing. Not like they're that big to begin with, but its nice to go around saying 'My boobs grow too much wayy too fast so I've to bind them to stop them from taking over the world'. If only they would grow in a proportionate ratio to the hips. SOMEONE TELL ME WHY DOES INDIAN WOMAN SYNDROME ONLY KICK IN FOR THE LOWER HALF OF ME? I'm not demented, I swear. All my jeans are way too fucking tight now. I hate bending down. And Mama absolutely refuses to pay for new Levi's, even though my brother has 7 pairs that fits him perfectly fine and I have 2 that take about an hour for me to struggle into. Oh the tremendous denial I go through to convince myself I'm NOT putting on weight( I still wear IJ primary P.E shorts for P.E every week ).

Oh and I totally wanna kill myself. I forgot all about Roy Dupuis, possibly the only man to beat Wentworth Miller on the sex appeal. I will so totally make a new list and up it to like 50 so everyone stops calling me to ask why ... and ... isn't in it. And then taking forever to believe its me and not Adrian answering the phone. Maybe I should go back on the cough syrup that makes me sleep all day long. Maybe.

I'm gonna go on a Roy Dupuis spree. I'll watch the show all over again, yes all five seasons. Even though Peta Wilson is such a transvestite. Michael just exudes the sex appeal. Yikes. Maybe I should do math homework first. Tuition's only in like an hour. ARGH. I hate being a junior college kid.

2006-08-10T04:19:00.000+08:00

Screaming out national day songs is BADDDD for sore throats. I felt so patriotic yesterday I'm disappointed in myself. Oh the horror. Yikes.

Site meter's jumping a bit too much for my liking eh. Makes you wonder who reads this rubbish.

2006-08-08T11:49:00.000+08:00

We laboured for almost 2 hours on this list. I'm quite sure I spelt half the names wrong. I'm still really upset that Timothy Dalton didn't make it to the list. And Johnny Bravo. And Joakim. Bitch is upset George Clooney, Mel Gibson and Patrick the starfish didn't make it there. Violent objections from both sides.

The twenty hottest men we can think of.

20.Dave Navarro
19.Entire Spain Team
18.Amaury Nolasco
17.Andrew Firestone
16.Adam Levine
15.Mark Sloan
14.Johnny Depp
13.Jesse Metcalfe
12.Adam Brody
11.Keanu Reeves
10.Paul Walker
9. Chris Evans
8. Ryan Reynolds
7. Jude Law
6. Eric Mabius
5. Hugh Jackman
4. Ryan Phillipe
3. Collin Farrell
2. Josh Holloway

and number 1 is,

1. Wentworth Miller

Don't tell me you didn't expect Mr. Miller to be number 1.

2006-08-07T13:09:00.000+08:00

In the spirit of story-telling, I've decided to concoct my own completely original, totally not plaigarised from anyone, little tale. Any resemblance to persons living or dead, or other stories you might find around is purely COINCIDENTAL.

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was this group of female donkeys. This group of female donkeys had just moved to a new co-ed herd, and as they had all previously come from same sex herds, they were not used to this new atmosphere. Anyway, it was quite generally understood in this new herd of theirs, that the boys stuck together, and the girls stuck together.

These five female donkeys were the best of friends, doing everything together. They were completely content on doing everything with each other. However, as all these five donkeys had previously come from Christian herds, they had been instilled with morals and values such as compassion and kindness. So one day when they saw a lone male donkey, they decided to take pity on him and include this poor male donkey in their activities once in a while.

This male donkey seemingly had no other friends. He was very happy when these donkeys included him in their group, and was very nice and humble at first. However, this male donkey decided to take how he was surrounded by females all the time to his advantage, and this really annoyed the five female donkeys to no end. This male donkey started trying to act really cool in front of all the other male donkeys, pretending to be someone his loser self totally wasn't. He of course had no idea that all these other male donkeys were of course laughing at him constantly both behind his back and in front of him. This male donkey hung around the females every minute of everyday, and this annoyed them as they were unable to talk about female donkey things.

One day, these female donkeys really couldn't tahan the male donkey anymore, whose name was POPE by the way. They decided to write him a letter saying that they needed their own time without him. Little did they know that POPE would turn into every typical freaky male Indian donkey out there and turn all stalkerish. POPE also went around acting all pathetic so that all the other donkeys would take pity on him, and just make the five female donkeys feel bad for something that was completely not their fault. Of course it completely didn't work. Just cause they're donkeys doesn't mean they're totally stupid.

I've yet to come up with an ending for this. Part 2 some other time I guess. Anyway, disclaimer's on top. I just hope some people don't decide I've been 'messing around with the wrong people' and come whack me up.

Oh enough with the satire. Night folks.

2006-08-06T14:04:00.000+08:00

Oh god. Why can't I ever meet a normal guy? Someone who's not completely fucked up. Argh its just so super annoying. I could do the whole I will swear off men thing again, but we all know those never last. Neither does I'm going for girls from now on. I wish I wasn't so straight. Sigh.

I have a really awful cough/sore throat thing going on and its so terrible. I sound like some transvestite or what. Yikes. Its like my voice is completely fluctuating between really high and freaky low. I suppose everyone's really happy. It hurts so much to talk that I'm finally shutting up for most of the time. Of course this means that I've finally started replying IMs. I have to converse in some form right?

Once again, I've managed to do an entire post about absolutely nothing. This is turning into rubbish post galore. I'm surprised the counter thing shows readers. Amazing really. Cough medicine's made me so ridiculously sleepy, I'm gonna sleep before 12 for the first time in ages. Even though I've already clocked in 16 hours for today. Bye everyone. If I happen to not wake up, I love most of you.

2006-08-03T12:57:00.000+08:00

I think I might have to go to the dermatologist AGAIN. Serves me right I guess for letting the allergies get so out of control. I didn't go to Tekong today because I have acute atopic contact dermatitis which flares up around mosquitos and grass. And prawns, but ssshh.

Gimme one reason to stay here, and I'll turn right back around.

2006-08-01T15:03:00.000+08:00

So many things to bitch about, way too little time. I so totally hate project work. Econs tutorial later on. Newspaper article thing due 2 weeks ago - Not done. Essay on elasticity - Not done. Econs file - Non-existant. Test on monopoly - Yikes. Oh and letter for friday. I feel like going late. Its first period anyway. At this rate, I'm gonna fail attendance also. The one thing I usually pass in my report book. Oh god. Kill me when I'm lame. What a rubbish post.

Will you keep loving me if I promise to stop fucking up all the time?